His new job just became new places to have sex at.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
