4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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