genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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