i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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