Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
