um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
