I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We named our party play list daddy issues
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
