can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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