I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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