the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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