hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Im part way to drunk.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize