Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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