i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
