i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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