Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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