We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize