i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
