i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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