Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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