i need an iv and a liver transplant
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize