Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
