Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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