We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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