Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
