I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize