i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Fuck appropriateness.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
