I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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