Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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