She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
