I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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