he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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