I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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