Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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