I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
