I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
