My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
