I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
