i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
