im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
