Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We talked him into tasing himself.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize