I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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