I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
