i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
