why didn't you poke me back
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize