if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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