no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
