Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
