considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize