end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
