Sry I called you an 8
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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