i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
