I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize