I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
