Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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