i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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