so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
