i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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