Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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