I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
