So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
