At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
