you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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