The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
