Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
