Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
