I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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