remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
