My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
