so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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