i would punch a child for taco bell
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
