i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
