she was so not down for the gang bang
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
