He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
