I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
