so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
