Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
