Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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