Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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