Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
