Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
