Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
