angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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