Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
