She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
