Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
