I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
