My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You pole danced in your parka.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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