Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
