hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
