the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
