the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize