he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
